Nearly every romantic relationship starts with the fireworks and powerful feelings that seem can never go away. We “fall” in love, and we cannot imagine how it might ever change. he or she is perfect for me, my soul mate, and completely understands me.
During this period, we are presenting the best of ourselves to the other, and each is going out of their way to please the other. Our focus is on him, or her, and we just cannot help but make that the priority in our life. Everything else takes a back seat.
That is the spark that flames the fire in a relationship. But as we become more and more accustomed to one another, it is in our nature to shift our attention in various ways. It may be work, friendships, family issues, or any of a myriad of things that can slowly begin to occupy the front seat. Before you know it, you don’t even realize your relationship is now in the back seat.
You may think you have fallen out of love, or that the romantic love you had before was unrealistic in the long term. But the truth is that you never “fell” in love in the first place. You unconsciously made decisions to love the other person based on how you made each other the priority of your life.
We tend to think that everything should just be fine since we love each other, but the truth is that relationships take work, and romantic relationships take a great deal of it. You have probably not lost the spark. More likely, the two of you have let life get in the way, and stopped tending the fire.
How to regain the Spark in a Relationship
The beauty of a loving relationship is that even if the spark seems to be gone, or you feel as though you have fallen out of love, you are both the same people that fell in love in the first place. While it may seem different, you both have the same qualities that attracted you to each other in the first place. You may have simply lost your way in your day to day lives.
There is actually something of a formula that brought you to fall in love in the first place. At first, you used this formula unconsciously. hence the feeling of “falling in love.” But those same things that you did unconsciously can be learned to do consciously. In other words, if you can choose to replicate those things again, you can very easily find the spark you believe you have lost.
How to go about this is surely easier said than done, but there are books and programs available that can teach you exactly how to do this. Better yet, once learned, you have tools that you can use whenever you feel yourselves drifting apart again.
Resources Based on this Article
Worldwide Marriage Encounter offers a fantastic weekend program designed for couples who want to make their good marriage even better. Typically this is meant for couples who have not necessarily lost that spark, but it is still a fantastic resource nonetheless. Weekends can be found worldwide. It is Catholic-based, however people of all fait or no faith are welcome on the weekend.
Retrouvaille Marriage Help is a program that spun off of Marriage Encounter many years ago. It was developed for people that needed something more than what Marriage Encounter offered. Retrouvaille focuses more on marriages that are struggling or are in crisis, but remains a fantastic resource. While Marriage Encounter consists of a weekend, Retrouvaille consists of a weekend similar to that of Marriage Encounter, plus a series of follow-up sessions to help dig deeper into topics covered on the weekend.
Love Busters and His Needs Her Needs are two phenomenal books by Dr. Willard Harvey that truly help you understand the inner-working of your spouse and how to keep your relationship in check and maintain romantic love.