Giving Back & Getting More

Every person you encounter that does anything in a Retrouvaille is an unpaid volunteer that has chosen  to dedicate some of their time to help the ministry. We do so because we all started out as attending couples in Retrouvaille, and answered the call.  What none of us knew at the time was how much answering that call would mean for us, our marriage, our families, and our friends.  We say it all the time:  We get out of this so much more than we put into it, and it is true.  

Presenting

Who is Qualified?

If you have been through a Retrouvaille weekend and post sessions, you are.  In fact, it is extremely common that couples choose to volunteer while they are still on the path to healing.  Often they almost feel like frauds, because they believe that they have to “have it all together” first. Actually, the opposite is true.  In fact, most of the presenting couples you have seen started writing their talks and even presenting them before they were healed.  Most couples that present discover that the writing and presenting of Retrouvaille weekends and Post sessions is where the most healing happens for them, where the concepts sink in deeper, and where those big lightbulb moments happen more than ever. 

Is revisiting the past while presenting painful or embarrassing?

Most of us think it will be at first.  But as strange as it may seem. all of us discover an incredible rush and joy once we do it. It may seem counterintuitive, but this is a common thread with thousand of couples that present all over the world.  You may see presenting couples get emotional as they revisit their past, but it is not pain you see them experiencing.  It is joy as they reflect on what once was, and no longer is.  We are not experiencing that pain as though it is happening in the moment.  We share it deeply, but it is a constant reminder of who we are not anymore. 

Some people think that it would be better not to share that pain over and over and leave it in the past, but we have all learned that it is much like history.  When we stop sharing history, we often forget it end find ourselves repeating it before we know it.  Instead, by revisiting our shared pain, each time we do so, we are stronger and more secure in our relationships.  It draws us closer and closer.  So what looks like pain is actually joy. 

Some believe their story is too embarrassing.This is common, of course.  We often don’t have that kind of confidence.   But those who have presented will all say the same thing.  The more they share their story, no matter how painful it may seem, the more confident they get in their relationship, and the stronger it becomes.  Also remember that when we share our stories in Retrouvaille, we are always in a private, protected environment.  We are sharing with others that can identify us, so what may seem embarrassing is being spoken to people that will see it as inspirational. 

What if we are not good speakers?

Few of us are.  None of us are professionals, and that makes it real.  There are several reasons we read our talks, and this is one of them.  It is not how slick the presentation of our talks is that matters, but rather the simple fact that we are sharing our life experience with others in a true and honest way.

Our story is too ugly, or not ugly enough

Some compare their stories with those they have heard during the weekend or post sessions. the degree to which your relationship has suffered, or the events of your story are of no consequence. Those things really matter for you, and just you.  The reality is that each of us has a different story, and some relate more to some of us than others. The key point is that attending couples hear different stories and different personalities, and after hearing all of them, the realization sets in that communication is always at the heart of it all, regardless of the issues.  The “issues” are actually just symptoms.

How hard is it to write and present?

Easier than you think and harder than you think.  All of the talks we present have a mixture of instructional content and personal sharing to support it.  Should you choose to write, you will have people there to help you.  You will be able to see copies of what others have written for all of the talks, and you can simply take the instructional portion and put it in your own words. That part is very easy.

In the sections where you are sharing personally, it is almost like writing on a dialogue question.  Here it is important that you reflect and write from your heart, as deeply as you can.  This is the harder part, but it is also the most rewarding. We all heal more, learn more about ourselves, and create more positive patterns in our lives when we do this. For this very reason, we often suggest that people do the writing even if they may never actually present those talks.  Because when it is all said and done, you are actually writing to yourselves. 

Our Challenge to you:

Just do it.  We are there to help, and just as on the weekend and Post sessions, we know something you likely do not know.  The weekend helps you reconnect.  The Post sessions help it sink in more.  Writing and presenting make all that you have learned a part of who you are.  It is the next step, and we have never seen anyone regret it.

How do you get started?

Just let us know, and we will help you with something we call “Post 0”.  There is a very simple template you can use to write your personal story as a couple.  It is short and quite easy.  We even have get togethers from time to time where we all do it together.  Then, you can try presenting your personal story at one of our CORE gatherings or during one of the sessions.  You have actually seen people present “Post 0”. Whenever a couple has presented a Post for you that was not one of the couples on the weekend, they started with an 8 to 10 minute introduction with a little bit of their story.  That was their Post 0.

Volunteering in Other Ways

What is Needed?

There is no doubt that presenting couples is by far the biggest need, but so much happens behind the scenes as well. From something as simple as helping by writing prayer letters to couples on the weekend, to organizing and  helping schedule weekends and Post sessions, there is always need, and the more people we have in our family, the easier it is.  Just let us know, and we will get in contact with you.